As regular readers of my blog already know, I’m engaged. (If not you know now) I am learning many things about this process, each more shocking than the last.

Recently I learned that, in addition to sending out wedding invitations, sometimes you also send out pre-invitations telling people to hold the date. This offends all of my nerdish sensibilities, especially since every person who will get a pre-invitations also has e-mail. “Why not just e-mail them?� I asked. That question will ensure that I have a very small role in future wedding planning.

Another big shock is that weddings are not cheap. If you had asked me a year ago to estimate the cost of a great wedding, I probably would have said something like “Hmmm, maybe $3,000, unless it’s potluck, and then you could shave off a bit. Do you have to bribe the priest or is that all free?�

My first choice for the ceremony was to do a Britney Spears – get drunk in Vegas and wake up with a Budweiser pull-tab ring on my left hand. But it turns out that my friends and family are expecting to wear freshly pressed clothing and attend some sort of event with flowers and cakes and whatnot. There’s a lot of pressure to do this thing the usual way.

Luckily I have stashed away a few acorns so I can afford this shindig. Still, I feel some inner need to keep the budget under control without appearing cheap. My current strategy is to frame all wedding decisions in terms of how many African villagers could be saved from starvation with the equivalent amount of money. For example:

Fiancee: “Do you think we should have a big cake or a little one?�

Dennis: “Well, the difference in price seems to be…about twelve Rwandans. It’s up to you, honey.�