Chinese Striptease Funeral

I read in the news that the Chinese police are cracking down on the practice of hiring strippers for funerals.

Seriously.

Strippers for funerals.

Villagers believe that the more people who attend the funeral, the
more honored the dead person is. And naked women bring in the crowds. I
can think of no better way to honor a dead grandmother than by hiring
naked women to arouse her surviving husband while the in-laws watch.

Plus there’s a practical aspect to it. You want to make sure the guy
in the casket is really dead and not just faking it. There’s probably
an old Chinese saying that goes something like “If he gets a stiffy,
he’s not a stiff.” And don’t get me started about raising the dead.

 This is actually from a strip club in Johannesburg, but you get the point.

It’s hard to pick my favorite part of this story, but one of the
contenders has to do with the name of the county where the police did
the crack down: Donghai.

I suppose you could pronounce it Dong-hay. But it’s more deliciously
ironic if it’s pronounced dong-high. If anyone knows it’s really
pronounced Dong-hay, don’t ruin it for me.

I didn’t see in the news report why the Chinese police were suddenly
cracking down on the strippers at funerals, but I have a theory. I
think I speak for all men when I say that at the age of 14 I would have
been willing to kill a cousin to look at a stripper. And remember that
those small villages in China don’t have cable TV and high speed
Internet. You pretty much have to choke someone to death just to
generate any entertainment that doesn’t involve dragon costumes and
tambourines.

The Chinese have given us gun powder, fireworks, chop sticks, and
now this idea. I hope it starts catching on in Denmark. I don’t know
what it would feel like to be sad and aroused at the same time, but I’m
willing to give it a try.

I wonder if it got to the USA. Unfortunately, they ruin everything over here. They’ll probably start
having mimes at funerals instead of strippers. But I have to admit it
would be funny watching a mime do his impression of being trapped
underground in a pine box.