My wife watches season 6 of American Idol. I only watch the auditions because I love to laugh at all those ehmm.. unique people.
This guy has done some serious research on MySpace and found the losers and winners from the first two auditions.
- Let’s start with the losers because they’re the funniest:
Name: Jason Anderson
Age: 16
Myspace nickname: The Tekno Kid
You: “I’ve never been so insulted in my life.” And then you bawled your eyes out.
Why he sucks: He sang his song while juggling Crystal Stix. I’m completely serious. What the fuck, dude. What’s even worse is that you work at a store called Crystal Stix, and you’re going to internationals for it? Is that even real?
Myspace: www.myspace.com/theteknokid
Name: Jessica Rhode
Age: 21
Occupation: Cosmetologist at, get this… Glamour Shots.
Notable Music Interest: She likes some band called “the Google Dolls”
Irony: She said she viewed Jewel as her idol, she sang a Jewel song in front of Jewel, she SUCKED in front of Jewel.
Myspace: www.myspace.com/92710701
Name: Troy Benham
Age: 24
Myspace nickname: metroamish
Bonus Points: You claim you’ve never seen an episode of Idol because you do not “own a broadcast television.” Impressive.
Question: Are amish people allowed to have myspaces?
Myspace: www.myspace.com/metroamish
Name: Josh Flom
Age: 20
Identification: He’s the douche on the left wearing cowboy boots with shorts.
Worst thing: Almost nothing on his myspace.
Best thing: If you happen to be in La Crosse, WI this Friday, January 19th. You can party with the man himself. From the facebook party titled “Another Excuse to Get Hammered”:
This is gonna be a Tribeerathon event in honor of Josh Flom who will be in LAX this weekend. You may remember Flom from American Idol, so this is your chance to hang with a TV star- sort of. Teams will compete in Beer Pong, Flippy Cup, and Quarters. Winners will receive something prestigious- other than a kick in the nuts/uterus. Please don’t arrive empty handed. There will be beer/liquor provided, but contributions will be appreciated and will make the night oodles better. So come by and start the next semester off right!
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/56686886
Facebook: Another Excuse to Get Hammered
Name: Kah’reem Copeland
Age: 25
Question: Does the apostrophe in your name serve any fucking purpose?
Song Butchered: Billy Ocean – Suddenly
Unfortunate: I was digging for something to call this guy out on but his myspace reads like the typical gay black male profile. Just look for yourself.
Verdict: I have to give credit to the American Idol producers here, they showed just enough to display how terrible he was, he got his two seconds of fame, and then cut to the next contestant. Short and sweet.
Myspace: www.myspace.com/soulstar81
Name: Trista Giese
Age: 22
Talent: She sounds like the fucking lion from Wizard of Oz.
Song sung: The fucking lion song from Wizard of Oz.
Why you lost: Nobody cares about the lion from Wizard of Oz.
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/tristagiese
Name: Rakel Garcia
Age: 26
Helpful tip: Shaking your boobs under a denim jacket does not help.
Simon: “It was juvenile, humorless, mediocre and horrible.”
Verdict: Another receiver of the two seconds of fame.
Myspace: www.myspace.com/rakelrosalita
- And now we have those lucky contestants who will be going on to Hollywood:
Name: Perla Meneses
Myspace nickname: Lil Dre
Song she butchered: Blondie – Call Me
Song that got her in: Shakira – Hips Don’t Lie
Sob story: Came to America with two backpacks and a teddy bear.
Reason she’s on: Latina chica sex appeal.
Bonus points: Horrible version of Love is a Battlefield on her myspace.
Myspace: www.myspace.com/lildre25
Name: Michelle Steingas
Age: 20
Myspace nickname: ultichica11
Bonus points: Long ass survey on her myspace.
Most unbelievable: Who the fuck doesn’t have instant message? Maybe someone who calls it “instant message.”
Top qualities: Underage drinker, shoplifter, skinny dipper, and the mysterious number of drugs taken…1. but which 1?
Disqualifying factor: Public admission on your myspace of taking drugs.
Myspace: www.myspace.com/ultichica11
UPDATE: Less than 24 hours after appearing on American Idol, it looks like Michelle has done some damage control and deleted the incriminating survey from her myspace. You can still view the survey in it’s entirety courtesy of the magic powers of the Google cache.
And here’s the rest of your qualifying Idol contestants.
Sarah Krueger – babe status? how can you tell with only one picture.
Matt Sato – This 16-year old’s profile makes me want to cry. Just like he did when finally got the approval of his mom. She probably hates him for good reason.
Jarrod Fowler – He’s in the Navy so he gets some respek. Hence his advancement to the next round.
Credit to: Eric @ http://deathbycamera.com/
19 January, 2007
General Nonsense