A compendium of Adsense advice, tips, and help
January 31, 2007
Here is a collection of Google Adsense advice and help that I have assembled from the web. I found several of them on various other blogs.
Starting up from scratch
Google Adsense - Quick Introduction
Adsense Introduction: What is Adsense?
Google Adsense and Wordpress - Does it make cents? (Wordpress)
Starting your Adsense business with free blogs (Blogger/blogspot)
Google’s heat map
After that, try this post: How to make money with Google Adsense
General tips/collections Note that some tips are recycled
Google Information for Webmasters
Adsense tips for bloggers
Google Adsense Optimisation tips
Adsense secret tips and optimization tricks
Adsense tips to increase your revenue
Read more
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Some minor design updates
January 29, 2007
As the daily readers of this blog might have noticed (!) I've updated the design a bit. From now on there will be no long posts anymore. I'll try to keep them a but shorter on the front page and then you'll have to click Continue Reading to read the rest of the blog. Pretty clever huh?!
It will remain this way until I change it (!)
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I think I’ve seen my first blouse monster
January 26, 2007
The other day I turned around just as a co-worker was in the process of removing her outer garment – a sweatshirt. She had already extracted her right arm from the sleeve and was snaking it beneath the sweatshirt, across her chest, and over to the left armpit to help extract her left arm. But that’s not how I saw it.
I didn’t see the start of the process. All I saw when I turned around is that the part of her sweatshirt that should have been calmly covering her breast area was instead concealing some sort of undulating monster. In retrospect, the undulation was caused by her right arm under the sweatshirt, but to me it appeared that either her boobs were dancing or she was being attacked by some sort of blouse monster.
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Robin Williams doing alot of accents in 70 seconds
January 26, 2007
I love this guy.
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American Idol Myspace Hunt: Round #2
January 19, 2007
"Tonight’s American Idol auditions took place in Seattle. At first, I was a little worried because it appeared that the Seattle crowd did not appear to be the most myspace savvy folk, but thank god they proved me wrong. Some of the contestants tonight should be glad I couldn’t find them. Amy Salgado, the fat weepy asian chick who kept crying about her cold? Please. Melissa “Carline” Stavros, I must say I’ve never been so sickened by a rendition of Baby Got Back in my entire life. Yes, you have a big booty. But where the fuck do you get off calling yourself “fluffy?” Seattle did have it’s share of crazies, and for that, they get much respect. Tonight I just focused mostly on the American Losers, but there’s links to all those advancing to Hollywood at the end of the post. You’ll also notice a comment called “Jack’s Note” on each of the contestants. Jack is my friend who had enough brain power last night during the Minneapolis auditions to pontificate that “you know, we might be able to find this girl on Myspace.” With his help again, I present American Idol Myspace Hunt: Round #2."
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American Idol Myspace Hunt: Round #1
January 19, 2007
My wife watches season 6 of American Idol. I only watch the auditions because I love to laugh at all those ehmm.. unique people.
This guy has done some serious research on MySpace and found the losers and winners from the first two auditions.
- Let’s start with the losers because they’re the funniest:
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Major Personal Issues
January 17, 2007
When I cross my legs, right-over-left, and sit on my left ass-cheek, my brain doesn’t work right. In order to think well enough to do work, I either have to have both feet on the ground (and both ass cheeks), or have my legs crossed left-over-right and sit on my right cheek.
I discovered this years ago. I have no idea what causes it.
Your first thought might be that it’s not a big problem because I can always sit in a proper position whenever I plan to work. Oh, if only it were so easy.
The problem is that I often reflexively sit in the left-cheek position, and for some reason it puts me in a dopey trance. I know I need to change positions to do work, and I know I want to do work, but somehow I can’t make myself move to the working position. It feels so comfortable balanced on that left cheek, and I’m always sure – despite years of evidence to the contrary – that THIS time I will be able to do quality work with only one ass cheek on the chair. And so I try, but it is always a disaster. In that position, my work can best be described as. . . well, half-assed.
I assume that’s how the phrase “half-assed” came into being. I can imagine some ancient human trying to invent the wheel while sitting on one ass cheek and screaming, “Damn the gods, the rectangle shape doesn’t work any better than the triangle!”
There is other circumstantial evidence for the ass-brain connection. For example, everyone has a favorite position for sleeping. It’s one of these:
1. Ass left
2. Ass right
3. Ass up
4. Ass down
You know from experience that if your ass is pointed in the wrong direction, you can’t sleep.
I also have my best ideas in the shower, but only if I have my backside toward the showerhead to experience the soothing, warm water. If I’m facing the spray, my brain can’t think of anything but “the water is tickling my wiener.” As soon as I turn around, I’m wondering how many observed natural phenomena can be explained by assuming the universe is shaped like a donut with a black hole in the center. See the difference?
I think you intuitively know that the ass is important to thinking. If you have an employee who is being an idiot, do you say to yourself, “I’d better go kick his brain,” or do you think “I need to go kick his ass”? Only one of those two things will produce better thinking.
And if you have a team of employees that are exceptionally smart and capable, what do you call them? That’s right – a crack team. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
If you are still not convinced of the ass-brain connection, finish this sentence:
It is easier to think after I…
a. Get a haircut
b. Take a dump
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BREAKNING NEWS! Indiana Jones 4 Set To Film This Year
January 3, 2007
2007 is going to be a great year! I can’t tell you how excited I am. George Lucas has confirmed that he will begin filming the fourth installment of the iconic Indiana Jones movies. It’s rumored that the movie will be titled “Indiana Jones and the Ravages of Time”. It’s also rumored that Natalie Portman will play Indy’s daughter and that Karen Allen will reprise her role as Indy’s love interest, Marion Ravenwood, from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Maybe Nat will end up being Indy and Marion’s love child.
The filmmaker promises the sequel will be the most exciting chapter to date after finalising the script with director Steven Spielberg. He says:" Its going to be fantastic. Its going to be the best one yet".
Source: Contact Music and Hollywoodbackwash
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Restroom Automation
January 3, 2007
Eventually the soap dispenser caught up. That was less exciting for two reasons: 1) It was just copying the water faucet, and 2) It is exactly how I imagine it would feel if a bird pooped on my hand.
Lately, some paper towel dispensers have joined the action. Activate the sensor and a paper towel presents itself. Scientists have obviously spent a lot of time calculating the proper dimensions for this towel. It’s precisely the size that is too small to be satisfying and yet large enough that you won’t rip the dispenser off the wall, smash it in the sink and grab a big wad of towels from its stinkin’ guts. But you’re tempted.
I love all of these motion sensor devices despite the fact that I live my life in a partial Sixth Sense way, i.e. barely registering as alive. For example, I often have conversations with people who don’t know I’m even talking to them. I am usually not aware of this until they get distracted by a bright light or noise and wander away. Motion sensors give me the same problem. I generally have to solicit two or three sinks before I find a faucet that will acknowledge me. It takes two or three more sinks to find a soap dispenser that is willing to poop on my hand. If the paper towel dispenser has a motion sensor, I know I’m in for a long day.
I’m anxiously awaiting the next innovation in restroom automation. I assume developers are already working on the last mile: A robotic arm to unzip my pants, grab my unit, then do the holding, shaking, and repackaging. I’m too busy to do that stuff for myself. Plus I was already spoiled by the time they automated the paper towel dispenser.
The Autopee device (it needs a name) would be problematic because every guy is built different. Somehow it would need to know the dimensions of what’s behind your zipper so it didn’t accidentally neuter you. I suppose the best way to do that is to have some sort of voice recognition software that asks you what kind of car you drive. If it’s a Porsche, for example, you might be compensating. If it’s a Honda minivan, you’re probably sporting an anaconda.
You’d also have to tell the Autopee how much shaking you want, ranging anywhere from two quick flicks to a happy ending.
Happy New Year and good luck getting that image out of your head.
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